Merry Christmas

Well it's been very stressful to say the least. Dealing with the wait for results, coping with the pain still, not knowing...not wanting to know, finding out that someone I thought of as a friend thought I was making all this up. That really pissed me off, as these are real serious threats to my health I felt I had to justify myself by clearly stating that my GP was the one that reacted quickly to my initial marker. I am carrying on in complete agony, I am taking medication for my anxiety and depression caused by the chronic symptoms that I have. Having to talk to my children and my Mum to explain that I have had the cancer marker show up, is not something I would wish on anyone. To look at my grandchildren and pray that my prayers would be answered. So someone thought I was making this shit up, be in my shoes at that point. I know through this experience who will be there if I ever needed them, and to them I say thank you.
So after a 3 week wait I came to the conclusion that I wouldn't receive my results until after Christmas. I really wanted to know so we could take Christmas on the chin, but I also didn't want to know as I was terrified of having bad news. But Christmas eve I got a letter from the hospital saying that my results were now with my GP and I would now receive an appointment from my consultant to discuss my results. I decided to ring my GP to find out the results. When I got the call back I was so scared this could change the course of 2015 dramatically. YES TOTALLY BENIGN, good grief I was in shock, it took a while for it to sink in but yes 2nd cancer scare over and done with. I still have a 3rd one to deal with as the polyps in my womb could be the thing that is giving me the original marker for cancer, at the moment the marker is stable. This procedure will take place in the new year, but at least I won't need to wait for the results for that as they will examine the biopsies immediately.

Today is Christmas day and I have not been in the running groove at all, but today is virtual running day for charity. So Santa suit on, runners on, time to hit the pavement. My husband got his bike out and rode alongside me,  it was a lovely blue sky cold day but a bit windy. We completed our distance and did the santa selfie with our medals in hands.
Spending time with the family for dinner, relaxing afterwards with my hubby. Christmas day is done and dusted, my 1st run in 3 weeks is done, so it's onwards into 2015 hopefully my all clears will be 3 in a row. I know that for so many people these all clears don't happen, as I know only too well. I never take for granted good health or choices, I am dedicated to raising awareness of the dreadful disease, I do for charity as I can. One day the all clears will out number the 'I'm sorry' and in the meantime I will remain forever grateful to those who sent me messages wishing me well.

I wish you a very merry Christmas and a safe and well 2015. Catcha on the flipside.

May as well do this now.

Never thought a day would come where my mojo for running would completely leave me. I can't really put my finger on it either, I am waiting results coming back at the moment, this is really playing on my mind. My every waking thought is negative and not future positive, I cannot wait to be home whenever I go out, I feel like I am lying to people's faces when they ask how I am and the words are so routine "I'm doing great thanks, how are you ?". I feel it unnecessary to worry many more people with a nothing at the moment, when we have no answers yet ourselves. I thought knowing that there was a problem was stressful but this feels worse completely in hiatus, paused.
The pain is just as bad as before, which I didn't expect. I thought by having this thing removed that my pain at least would subside, but this appears not to have happened. So my running has taken a dip as well as other aspects of motivation.

At least my running hiatus means I can get round to other jobs like getting the Christmas decorations up, spending more time with those I love. We also have new little pets, who don't seem too put off by their home representing a disco. Our rabbits have settled in nicely, one of them has a definite taste for wallpaper and the other one likes to pretend he has no concept of jumping. We are looking forward to Christmas it's a special time for us, as we get to spend lots of time together as a family. No rushing around just rest and lots of food and probably too much booze and lots of Christmas movies. I hope we have our results before the festive period at least then we will know what the New Year will mean for us, as a family.

Enjoy the weekend all, keep wrapped up warm.

Not a good start really

After the Santa run on Sunday I was ready and raring to go on the advent streak. However, I ended up with hospital visits to 2 hospitals on the 1st day, 1 very hastily arranged. 

Day 2 I did manage to get out for a very short run, the air was biting and the cold air does not agree with my VCD at all. But it felt good to be back on my normal route. 

Day 3 now this is where it gets complicated, I am due to have a minor operation on Thursday so I need to be on a very strict diet of not alot.  My energy levels are not good and over the next 48hrs I will be completely off of running. The outcome of this op may well dictate where and how I move forwards. If not I still have one more op to go through which should also settle things down for me.
Running has been a huge part of me for a long time, it does feel odd not to be out there as much, but I have to listen to my body sometimes. I am a firm believer in that when you are at 110% your body shuts down to enable recovery. I have over recent months listened to this signal, I rest as much as possible over my days off and take joy in having a sofa day. We live such busy lives these days that sometimes we forget that we need to recharge the batteries. For me sometimes running is my recharge and without it I feel lethargic and frustrated, but the last month has taught me that maybe sometimes other things need to be done first and my running will wait a day.

Day 4 was as expected never going to happen. I am scheduled to have a colonoscopy done so I have needed to take 'cleaning fluid' all I am going to say on this matter is, whoever invented that stuff is in league with the devil.

Day 5, absolutely wiped out today, my procedure is late afternoon so I am just trying to pass the time without thinking about food. I end up spending 5 hours in the hospital, in a huge amount of discomfort but able to leave quickly as i received very little in the way of pain relief....not on my request I hasten to add....there's another story. I really don't know if I will run this weekend I will see how my energy levels are, at the moment the small things are knocking me a bit. I am still in a little pain like before but hopefully this will calm down quickly. Now I have the wait to see what the results of the biopsy are. Again I will remain positive, I have to, at the moment we know that they have removed something that was causing a problem, it's whether that thing is more of the problem than 1st predictions thought.

Enjoy your weekends one and all.

How to begin

Today my brilliant little Grandson and myself took part in the Skipton Santa 5km Run. It's the first time that Leo has taken on this kind of distance and at 6 years old it's a big distance to cover. It's also the first time in two weeks that I have been out for a run. It's been a very difficult two weeks and today is important, it's a blue sky, sunny day making you happy and grateful for the chance to be here.
It's our first time in Skipton and we are loving seeing lots of Santa's around us it's busy and friendly. We see many people that we know and everyone is smiling. We move into our place with the joggers, lots of kids around which is great to see. Just before 11 the runners are underway the countdown 3-2-1 GO with a huge cheer from the remaining Santa's the run begins. Leo and me make our way to the start, we begin our jog downhill around the left hander to go uphill, we look ahead and see Santa's we look behind us and see Santa's it's an incredible view. We are reduced to walking as all these Santa's cannot fit through a gap. Once we are through the gap we have a clear run down into the lovely town of Skipton. We head for the canal towpath we hit more congestion of Santa's we enjoy the walk along the canal and the lovely views. As we cross over the bridge of the river the Santa's spread out and we run back down into Skipton. We run in and out of narrow roads and shopping precinct with the shoppers cheering us on. We drop back down onto the canal towpath towards our finishing straight. Lots of people are along the towpath lending their support by clapping and cheering ALL the Santa's big and small. As we cross the canal bridge and head back into Airville Park a run uphill is all that's left for this brilliant little 6 year old. We see the finish banner and of course we sprint finish. With his medal proudly around his neck Leo completed his 1st 5km run. I am imennsley proud of the achievement that Leo made today he ran where and when he could, he chatted the whole way round and enjoyed it, the smile on his face when he finished showed how much he loved it.

Tomorrow begins my personal challenge of a 31 day run streak. It will be a monumental challenge for me after the last couple of weeks, but I am determined to do this. It is about saying I got past that bit by the skin of my teeth, with a way to go yet, I still want to ring the neck of the past 2 weeks. This challenge will see me do that.
It's difficult to explain how running helps me to escape some days but it couldn't and wouldn't have helped with jack,  when you are told that cancer cells have shown up in a  blood sample, it tends to make you sit back and say.....wow.....or in my way....shit. I am so lucky that I have friends and family around me that I needed to tell and they wouldn't fall apart, right now I needed their strength and positive. I wanted them to treat me exactly the way they had 24hrs earlier. It took only 10 days for the doctors and specialists to decide that I am out of danger from the cancer that had showed up, however I will be routinely checked up on to make sure the count remains stable. I was immediately banned by my kids from running and cycling, which as it happens I didn't have time to go anyway. They won't be happy when they find out about this either, it will mean me more vigilant than ever about the signals that my body will be giving out.

So I shall attempt to do a daily blog, however it could get very boring and repetitive but I shall try and snazzy it up a bit if I can.
Ta muchly for taking the time to read this drivel.